How To Insure A Spaceship

So you’ve been traveling at near the speed of light in suspended animation for 3,000 years and suddenly you’re jolted awake because some jerk in hyperspace didn’t use his blinker and took out your forward aft with his rear quantum-jet. Such is life!

As you sit there, wondering what to do and who to call, it is times like this that you have to ask yourself whether this is a home insurance issue or an auto insurance issue. Let’s review the points:

1. You’ve been living in craft for the last 3,000 years. Advantage – Home.
2. You were traveling very, very fast at a mass that was approaching infinity. Advantage – Auto.
3. The object in question transcends time and space, giving it no fixed location. Advantage – Auto.
4. Due to the quantum state of reality, you sometimes have a lawn. Advantage – Home.

Spaceships are a difficult call for the insurance industry because the grey area surrounding them, much like the Winnebago, which raises an important question…why the heck would they name it ‘Winnebago’?

How have other famous spaceships and space stations faired? We’ll explore the top 3.

1. Death Star – this was at one time underwritten by the Galactic Empire and classified temporarily as a home for Sith lords and wayward youths. However, after two separate attacks, no one else is willing to risk underwriting it for a third time, especially with an indemnity clause for accidental planet destruction.
2. Battlestar Galactica – this almost retired hunk of floating space metal was at one time listed as a classic auto and was to be entered into contests on Saturdays with other decommissioned vehicles, but after a couple Cylon problems the Battlestar took on some semi-permanent residents and was reclassified as a home.
3. Enterprise –model after model, the planned obsolescence created by Starfleet, a subsidiary of ToyotaFordHondaGMC & Co, allows this ship to be listed solely as a socialist military vehicle. Their slogan “Going where no man has gone before”, subsequently, was voted as the most memorable advertising slogan of its time, supplanting such greats as “Soylent Green: Mmm, just like people” and “Dude, you’re getting a Dell.”

As you can see, insuring a spaceship at best is a guessing game for many agencies. Please keep this in mind when shopping for your next quote.

Jerry Aaron
EZ Insurance Portal

Please note: at this time we are unable insure your spaceship due to above-mentioned risks associated with determining an accurate policy that doesn’t violate Einstein’s theory of relativity and because we simply don’t have the claims processors available in your area. Clearly, this is a parody and any likeness to actual spaceships and their insurance policies is purely coincidental; can you believe our lawyers actually want us to mention that? Thank you for your consideration.

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